Dirty Minds Think Alike

The top ten reasons you should swallow for the man you love

2008-04-24T08:43:00.000-07:00

10. Supposedly, it helps with menstrual cramps. But, I think that's just an urban legend made up by men.

9. It doesn't taste THAT bad. Really. You've eaten worse, I guarantee it. It tastes way better than beer, for example.

8. Most girls don't. And the rules say you should always try to be a creature unlike any other.

7. Everyone loves a happy ending.

6. All protein, no fat.

5. It encourages reciprocity.

4. It's nice, and didn't your mom always tell you to be a nice girl?

3. It's good karma. And, don't you need some good karma right now? After all, weren't you just mocking that girl's hair/shoes/clothes? You know you were, even if it was just in your head.

2. It's dirty/sexy, and who doesn't like that?

1. He'll be so damn grateful.

So, do you?

My Key Lime Pie

2008-04-08T12:25:00.000-07:00

Not too tart, not too sweet
My baby loves to watch me eat
Her key lime pie
Her key lime pie
"Key Lime Pie" - Kenny Chesney

Now what on earth do you think Kenny Chesney is thinking about there? I'm pretty damn sure that the pie he's talking about isn't in any ole pie dish with a graham cracker crust.

Maria at Immoral Matriarch was talking about bi-sexuality last week when she prompted one of her readers to write the following:

"I'd let anyone go down on me. Woman, man, goat. Whatever."
-- Avitable

I hear other women talk about how much they love oral sex, and I must confess: I don't get it. In fact, oral sex is the easiest way to make me feel completely uncomfortable and hopelessly self-conscious. I like it, don't get me wrong, but more often than not, I have felt pressured to feign enjoyment. Furthermore, as someone who is cursed with ADD, forcing myself to lay back and enjoy it without doing anything is harder than it looks.

If a man wants to eat that particular pie, it's going to be a while before I reach the big O. And, there is no way I can rush it or hurry it along, my body is a cantankerous cuss that operates on its own damn time schedule. In fact, obsessing about whether I orgasm or not is one sure way to ensure that I don't enjoy what should be a pretty damn nice process.

More often than not, given the way my body operates, and the complex feelings that oral sex stirs up inside of me, I've refused to share that particular pie. In fact, up until a few weeks ago, I'd have told you that I most often prefer to give, rather than receive. That was, of course, until I met a man who told me he didn't care if I "performed" or not, as long as I had a good time. And, who told me that I was going to lay back and enjoy it for as long as he wanted to do it, and that he wasn't hearing any arguments. And then, proceeded to do precisely that with the enthusiasm of a Florida boy tucking into a delicious slice of key lime pie.

Damned if I didn't do exactly as I was told. And, damned if I didn't enjoy the hell out of it.

So, you tell me...what are your thoughts on oral? Would you rather give or receive? And, how do you feel about the meringue?

Hell hath no fury . . .

2008-03-31T14:06:00.000-07:00

I just saw this article over on CNN: When he's a cheat, revenge is sweet.

Full disclosure here: I've never been cheated on. Qualifier: Not that I know of, anyway. Granted, at this time in my life, I don't date exclusively so it's a moot point. But in the past, when I've been involved with just one man, none of them have cheated (that I know of). Anyway, I'm not sure what I'd do if faced with the situation. You know, catching him red-handed. In flagrante delicto. Bare assed and tapping toes. Etc. I'd like to think I'd take the Louisville slugger to his truck (but I wouldn't be carving my name in his seats -- how stupid is that?!?), or devise some other satisfying method of getting some payback.

But, I'm not sure.

What about you? Ever gotten revenge? Or wanted to? Had some great ideas for revenge?

Afternoon Delight

2008-03-24T06:44:00.000-07:00

Oh glorious sex, how I missed it!!!

Seriously, there is nothing like a regular sex life with a man you find compelling and awe-inspiring. And passion! And fun! I dearly love sex where you find yourself laughing uncontrollably on bed, and then starting all over again where you were before you cracked up.

Anyway...

Since I've started having sex again (oh, thank you Baby Jesus!!!), I've been thinking about my favorite times to have sex:

1) First thing in the morning, after sleeping nearly nude next to a hot man...you wake up with his arms around you, and a hard cock pressed into your backside. Lord. It's lovely. It doesn't matter if it's Monday morning or Saturday, there is nothing like starting out the day with some old-fashioned passion.

2) A nooner. You spend all morning looking forward to it, thinking dirty thoughts about your man. And, the afternoon seems so much more bearable when you've had a few O's to help you face it.

3) Late at night on a weekend. The weekend stretches out before you like a promise, you don't have to wake up at the crack of dawn in the morning, and playtime can last as long as you want. What's not to like?

So, what is your favorite time of day for rollicking, raunchy, delectable sex?

Visualize this

2008-03-18T17:28:00.000-07:00

They say the eyes are the windows to the soul. For me, the eyes are the windows to arousal. I'm an extremely visual person. I notice things. The curve of your cheek, that crease between your eyes when you concentrate, the way your jeans curve against your ass. I'm always watching, and imagining.

I like to see the back of your neck.
... your cock as it swells against your belly.
... your hands. Doing anything.
... the sweep of your lashes against your cheek before you kiss me.
... the way your thighs bunch when you thrust into me.
... your smile when I tickle you.
... the spread of your shoulders when you hold my legs.
... the curl of your toes when I cup you in my hand.

I like to see denim, and skin, and sweat, and freckles, and the point where thigh meets pelvis, and the dew on your cock, and the sweep of your tongue.

I like to see fading finger marks, pale against flushed skin.

What do you like to see?

Fighting to make up

2008-03-11T09:11:00.001-07:00

My relationship with my fiance, though wonderful and fulfilling and lasting and loving and hot, is not perfect. We fight. Kind of a lot. Not knock-down drag-outs or anything, and we're not big on name-calling. But we yell and I cry and we argue and stomp off and shout and slam doors and hang up. Sometimes I even fling myself onto beds and sob. And he might even jump up and down and shout in the manner of Yosemite Sam. I'm a harpy and he's a jerk.

But it never lasts long. I've never been able to be angry with him for more than 12 hours, and usually I'm over it in 2. He can hold a grudge longer than I can, but typically we fight, we go to our corners and stew and steam and huff, then reason prevails and we talk and explain and make up.

And the making up.... whooo doggie! Desperate, gnashing, twisting, slick, dirty, clinging sex. Today I'm still woozy from it, my pussy throbs and my lips hurt and every few minutes I get a mental image of last night and my cunt gives a little jerk of happiness.

What about you? How do you fight? And how do you make up?

When's the last time you had great makeup sex, and what made it great?

alarms, sirens, stop signs, etc.

2008-03-06T10:54:00.000-08:00

I love sex. Really, I do. The sounds. The build-up to orgasm. Watching the shadows on the wall mirror our movements. I even like the musky scent and the clean smell of sweat-soaked bodies.

But . . . (you knew there had to be a ‘but’, right?)

There are a few things I don’t like. In fact, some of them really fucking annoy me.

Like – playing 20 Questions during sex.

Do you like this?
Do you want me to go down on you?
Can I go down on you?
Can we change positions?
Can I fuck you from behind?
Will you get on top?
Would you like me to suck your nipples?
Would you like me to go down on you?

And on and on and on and on. Nothing puts the brakes on the enjoyment I’m feeling quicker than having to stop and think and answer question after question.

Also not making me happy, animals – dogs, especially – in the room. Especially if he has to tell the dog to quit barking. Or push the dog away from the bed.

And, baby talk. Or, mommy and daddy talk.

How about you? What about sex do you NOT like?

Toy Shoppe

2008-03-03T10:35:00.000-08:00

There's a smell in most sex shops: latex, rubber, artificial fruit (from all the lubes, lotions, and potions), and desperation. Still, I love them, creepy older men with raincoats and comb-overs aside.

I think the first one I ever walked into, here in my hometown, was back in 1996. I was indoctrinating a roommate into the wonders of battery-operated luv (my very own Mini Mate was purchased at, of all places, the grocery store). It was a total giggle-fest, with the three of us peeking hurriedly at the various selections, pointing to outsized appendages with mouths in wide Os, not unlike the inflatable girlfriends lining the walls. We walked out with matching Emerald Cowboys and I've been a fan ever since.

They're completely cheesy and male-focused, for the most part. (Sadly, I don't live in a progressive town with women-friendly, pro-sex establishments. Perhaps I should start my own, you say? Not on your life. Not here. Not with my family up in everyone's business for miles around. But oh, now wouldn't it be nice if I could?) But I get a rush whenever I go inside one. It's the forbidden, daring, filthy, naughty nature of the place. It exists for one purpose: getting off.

When we go to Amsterdam, I love to wander the streets of the Red Light District, people-watching and popping into shops, browsing through the smut and leather and feathers. And when visiting new towns, I'm always on the lookout for the local smut peddler, eager to go in and check it out.

I'm long overdue for a trip to my own local raunchy retail establishment. I need a fix, and a new toy, and some lube, and maybe some new movies.

What about you?

What are your experiences with sex shops? Do you visit them? Order online? Neither? What do you typically buy?

And the impetus for this post? This link. I'm so going here if I ever make it to Tokyo.

An Ode to the Penis

2008-02-28T06:09:00.000-08:00

I love your adorable little one-eyed face.
And your charming little helmet head.
I love the nest of shaggy fur where you sleep,
and the way you come to life in my hand.

I love your silky velvety texture,
and that salty bitter drop right at your tip.
I enjoy the anticipation of waiting to lay eyes on you that first time,
wondering how wide, narrow, tall or short you will be.

I can't wait to see you this weekend,
to taste you and feel the way you slide along my skin,
creasing a path between my breasts.
I love being awakened by you pressed against the small of my back
or riding along my hips.

But mostly, I love the way you fit inside me,
tight and hard and satiny,
banging against the door of my inner sanctum,
and pushing me into a room full of ecstasy.

p.s. Your little furry friends are cute, too. ;)

So, tell me about your penis experiences:

1. What kind of penis do you like? Long, short, stout, lean?

2. Cut or uncut?

3. Describe your favorite penis.

4. Have you ever NAMED a penis? If so, what?

(graphic shamelessly swiped from Cinders)

Fireworks or sparklers?

2008-02-27T07:37:00.000-08:00

There's a saying guys have (so I've been told) along the lines of, "There's no such thing as a bad blow job."

(Personally, I'll have to disagree because from my point of view (being a woman and all) there IS such a thing as bad oral sex (performed on the female). Don't ask. Just....trust me.)

I think everyone would agree that there is such a thing as bad sex, too. But, what about the difference between good and great? Between "Ooohh, baby" and "Oh.My.God!!!" Between "That was nice, honey" and waking up the neighbors.

In your own humble opinion,, what sets great sex apart from just good sex? (You can read my views here. )

Riding the crimson wave

2008-02-26T08:49:00.000-08:00

When I was in college, I went for a naughty weekend to South Florida to see a fuck buddy who lived down there. In preparation for the raunchfest, I fiddled with my birth control ahead of time to be sure I didn't get my period while there. I timed it perfectly.

Well, almost. The first night there was a slight hitch, a little bleed through. But no worries, it was brief and fleeting and over quite quickly.

So imagine my surprise when, the next night while getting creative with a popsicle my buddy interjected, hesitantly and with great trepidation, "Uh, Gypsy? I think we have a problem." No, you dipshit, that's a red popsicle you're using to great effect. Keep going.

1. Do you or don't you ride/let people ride the crimson wave? Why or why not?

2. Deep dicking/orgasm is good for cramps: yes or no?

Feels like the first time

2008-02-21T08:55:00.000-08:00

Ah, first time sex. The awkward juxtapositions of elbows and knees from two bodies that haven't learned each other's angles and bends. The nervous tension of seeing nekkid you've never seen before:

Does he notice my scars?
Was he put off by my little belly? Quick, suck it in, look as skinny as possible.
Oh, look at that...a penis I've never seen before.
Damn, I could play with those breasts all day.
Ugh, how do we make it fit?
Does he like a gentle touch or a harder one?
How hard, and where, does he like to be bitten?
Dammit, get that wet tongue out of my ear canal!

What position will be first? The more romantic missionary, where I'm cradled in his arms, gazing into his eyes, feeling his weight on me? Or, me on top, where he can look up at my breasts? Doggy? (Oh, you dirty, dirty slut!)

Do I want it to be tender and gentle? Or will it be passionate and spontaneous, with ripped clothes and scratches on my back?

First time sex: awkward or wonderful? Exciting or intimidating? Tell me a story about your first time (or one of your first times).

You never miss a slice from a cut loaf

2008-02-21T08:23:00.001-08:00

Have you heard that saying, "you never miss a slice from a cut loaf?" Well, it appeared several times in trashy romance novels I read as a kid, likely ones by Bertrice Small. It was used by men to imply that once a woman has lost her virginity, what's the difference how much she does it after that. It's entirely crass and terribly misogynistic, as if a woman's sex has no value after giving it up the first time.

But there's something about that saying that has stayed with me over the years. Not in a way that makes me devalue sex or myself, but as a kind of permission to do whatever I want with my sex. It was like, ok, that's done, now there's no impediment to what I can do and experience and give.

And it wasn't as though I lost my virginity as some sort of burden to get out of the way. My first time was with a boy I loved, it was very nice, and we were together for four years. But after that "loss," I felt very open, accessible.

Shocking, I know, but I don't always feel like having sex. But if he wants me he can pretty much have me, barring illness or extreme irritation or being really late to work. A slice off a cut loaf is never missed. Giving him that, letting him have me, it's no skin off my back. I love him, I love being with him, and chances are if I'm not in the mood at first I'll get in the mood pretty darn quick once we start.

Every time we have sex doesn't have to be choirs of angels or fireworks or tandem orgasms. Sometimes it's quick and dirty and efficient. And that's fine by me. Even if I don't get off, just sharing that closeness, with his skin on mine, and his breath in my ear, and our eyes locked, or his fingers grasping my hips -- it's enough. Until the next time when it's more involved, more intimate, more drawn out.

1. If your partner wants to have sex and you're not particularly in the mood, what do you do?

2. What types of things make you decline sex?

3. What can your partner do to make you change your mind?

4. How do you feel about giving it up to make your partner happy? Is it rolling over and taking it, or is it being a generous partner?

Waking Up My Inner Slut

2008-02-19T00:01:00.000-08:00

Somehow I managed to make it to forty without fully exploring my sexuality. Shyness, lack of opportunity and just plain fear conspired to make my sexual awakening a very slow process.

I am now in my prime and want to explore the possibilities, but my husband is not the one I want explore with. I long for someone who makes me want to push my limits and explore new boundaries. Someone to help me find the slut that I know lives inside of me.

I fantasize a lot about just randomly plucking some gorgeous young thing out of the mall and doing all the things I've been wondering about. When I see a man on the street I wonder what would happen if I just walked up and asked him to fuck me.

All of this I never do, of course. I'm playing the good girl, biding my time. But my day will come.

Was there one person in your past (or present) who opened sexual doors for you? How?

Sometimes the hottest sex isn't intercourse.

2008-02-18T06:09:00.000-08:00

1. When's the last time you had an orgasm with a partner without actual intercourse (either before or after the orgasm)? (For the purposes of this question, intercourse means connection of genitals.)

2. Have you ever had an orgasm during a dream? Do you remember the dream?

3. When's the last time you made out for longer than 20 minutes without it leading to intercourse? Why didn't you "seal the deal"?

4. Do you enjoy mutual masturbation?

Answer these here in the comments, or post them on your own blog.

Something to sink your teeth into

2008-02-14T06:34:00.000-08:00

On my shoulder, right where my neck meets my back, is a heart-shaped bruise. Rather appropriate for Valentine's Day, right?

Every time I shift my head, or move that shoulder, I feel a little twinge. It doesn't hurt a lot, it's a pleasant sort of pain, the kind of pain that reminds me of a certain man plunging his teeth into my muscle again and again, biting and licking and sucking until he'd left his mark on me.

I suppose you could say I'm an orally-fixated girl. I bite. And, I dearly LOVE to be bitten. I'm no vampire, and I have no intention of drawing blood, but I enjoy a little pain. That moment when a man clenches me to him, and bites down hard on my trapezius muscle, is excruciating bliss. Little nibbles all over my shoulders and neck are delicious. A bite, not too hard on the swell of my hip, will make me moan in agony and desire.

The pain wells up, but in its wake is a rush of pure pleasure. And I bite back, on a man's msucular shoulder, or chest, or as hard as he will allow, on his nipples--I suppose I enjoy dishing it out just as much as I like to take it.

I don't think I could be with a man who wouldn't let me bite him, at least occasionally. And, I'm certain that a man who didn't bite me, often and exactly the way I like it, wouldn't last long in my bed.

So tell me...

1. Do you like a little pain with your pleasure?

2. Do you bite? If so, how?

"Let's run off behind a shady tree"

2008-02-13T06:23:00.001-08:00

In high school, Valentine's Day was about buying my boyfriend a new bottle of cologne and a mushy card and having sex. Lots and lots of sex. In the car, or in his room on his twin bed. If the car was our only option, we'd drive out to a secluded spot, park, and make good use of the backseat. Comfortable it was not, but you make do. We were young, horny, and practiced safe sex.

But this year, Thai officials are cracking down on teenagers getting their freak on for Valentine's. They're turning on the lights in public parks, patrolling known canoodling locations, and busting kids before they bust their nuts.

Why all the paranoia about teen sex? Do they really think they're going to stop kids from fucking? Please. All those hormones, that eager curiosity, not to mention energy, stamina, and drive.

Granted, I'm not a parent. But it just seems simple to me. Be safe, be prepared, have fun.

So, my questions for the day. Feel free to answer in the comments or take these over to your own blog for discussion.

1. Were you bumping uglies as a teen?

2. If so, tell us about a memorable sexual experience from that time.

3. Did your parents ever catch you?

4. If you weren't sexually active in your teens, why not?

5. In your circle of friends, who was the most sexually active and who was the least. Tell us about them.

Dirty Minds Think Alike

2008-02-12T08:52:00.001-08:00

Stay tuned...